Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Of dream and doubt

Credit to original owner
Hi there! So lazy lately to write new entries. I have few entries drafted but never manage to complete it. Stuck halfway. I wanted to write on 1st quarter review, half year review and few special entries but no mood to finalizing it. I wrote this special topic ahead of other drafted entries as a way to channel what has been lingering on my mind. 

Most of my friends know that I run fast. The truth is that I run just slightly faster than average. Wrong? Okay, actually I’m faster than people who run slightly faster than average. I’m not a podium fast. Not elusive elite fast. I’m an elusive of elusive elite fast. Confuse? Me too LoL. I consider top 10 runners as elite, 11-20 as elusive elite and 20-30 as elusive of elusive elite. Get it? I hope so. As for now I usually land myself at 20-30th place in 10k/12k/15k/16k running events. Not a half marathon. Not even a full marathon. I don’t have that kind of stamina. The way my friends generalizing myself as fast is quite misleading. But I do respect & understand them for putting me in this fast category. Not many can do sub 5 pace. Not many can put themselves in top 30 spot. Being someone to be looked up to is flattering. I believe I somehow have inspired few peoples to take up running or exercising for their own health.

I do have hopes. It’s it not new as I've mentioned it zillion times in this blog that I wanted to win a top 10 podium placing. It’s not easy & time consuming but I believe I’ll be there. I want to become faster and faster. Pushing my limit. The genkai. However, I do have doubts as well. What if my limit is already there and it won’t budge no matter hard I try? Not getting faster but getting slower instead? What if my podium pursuit doesn't work out and I’m stuck forever at top 30 placing or perhaps getting worse? How about runners who are slower suddenly become faster than me out of nowhere? What if? What if? What if? Argghhh dang it. Too much negativity. Too much drama. I’m a normal human being after all. These doubts are there. I can’t help myself sometimes. Need to keep myself calm & push away those doubts. It’ll come back. I’ll not surrender easily.  

Negativity, nuff said

P.s. I drafted/wrote this entry in August 2014 (after raya), before my 1st official (nasib) podium winning in September 2014 ;)